10 Ways Grief Can Drive You Insane

Grief is an all-encompassing and often seemingly endless sadness and enough to drive a person insane. The pain you experience when you suffer a significant loss can be unbearable. While most people are familiar with the five stages of grief, ‘ it is still not something ‘ that’s experienced linearly or measurably.

Grief has some universal qualities, but it is still a deeply personal process and will manifest in different ways for everyone. Grieving can be incredibly isolating, and the symptoms are so varied and stressful that grief and loss researchers have coined the term “Going Crazy Syndrome” to describe the feelings of insanity and falling apart that are described by people in mourning.

The many ways that grief can start to feel like it is driving you insane are all incredibly normal parts of the healing process. When you are in the thick of it, it is easy to wonder if you will ever be OK again… 

Grief Makes Your Mind Feel Blank

The loss of someone you love deeply is difficult to process. The thought of life continuing in the absence of someone that was a part of it can seem unimaginable. 

Trying to mentally comprehend your loss uses up most of what cognitive ability you have. Sometimes, there is so much going on in and around you that your brain, quite literally, checks out.

You may find yourself drawing a blank or having been lost in a daydream. You may be unable to complete simple tasks, like doing the dishes or even reading an email. Absent-mindedness and forgetfulness can quickly make anyone feel as though they are losing their mind.

Thing like confusion, lack of concentration and inability to focus are all part of it. But there is good news. Take comfort in this: “They do tend to be temporary, but they last a lot longer than you would think.”-  refugeingrief.com

It Is All in Your Head – Literally

There is a biological explanation for what is happening to the various parts of your brain during the grieving process. The stress hormones that trigger the fight or flight reaction in your brain are produced at high levels, and your body enters emergency mode.

Your response to grief engages and triggers parts of the brain that are responsible for various functions, including:

  • Memory
  • Language
  • Attention
  • Planning
  • Emotional regulation

So, if your mind isn’t working, or you feel you may have lost it; remember that you technically have. You have temporarily lost control of your mind to grief.

You Can’t Stop Crying from Grief

There are moments when you are grieving that you wonder how you could possibly have any more tears left to cry. Sometimes your cries are silent tears that slowly fall down your face. Other times the weeping physically cripples you and sobbing that leaves you gasping for air.

You may notice that small, insignificant things may trigger a crying episode seemingly out of nowhere. Being unable to control shedding tears can feel scary. Endless and uncontrollable crying is mentally and physically exhausting. The amount of crying is both physically and mentally exhausting, to the point that you’re emotionally drained. 

This is when you start to feel like you’re going insane. It is hard to believe that there will ever be an end to your sadness and pain, and slowly, you begin to feel insane. Crying, however, is critical to healing your grief and physically processing your loss and pain.

Psychology today says: “Tears help us process the loss so we can keep living with open hearts. Otherwise, we are set up for depression.” 

You Become Attached to an Object After Loss

It is common for someone who has lost a close family member or friend to find comfort in certain objects. This is often something that belonged to or reminds them of the one they’ve lost. To cope with inevitable separation from their mothers, children often form a bond with a chosen item, such as a blanket or a doll. Psychologists refer to items like these as transitional objects.  

Transitional objects are personal, priceless, and can allow you to feel close to your loved ones while learning to live without them. However, in a society that can be quick to focus on moving on, you may start to feel some embarrassment in your attachment to your loved one’s belongings, maybe even a little crazy.

Keeping these objects close can be incredibly comforting and can help you feel a sense of closeness to your loved one. You may wear an article of their clothing every day or a piece of their jewelry. For parents who are suffering the loss of a child, it is often a stuffed animal or a favorite toy.

Remember that as you heal, your dependence on such items will weaken. In the meantime, there is nothing wrong with allowing yourself to be comforted by something that keeps you connected to who you’ve lost.

Your Grief Makes You Feel…Nothing

Perhaps one of the scariest ways that grief can manifest is through feelings of apathy and numbness. The lack of feeling can really be unnerving and make you feel like you’re going insane. In a time when you expect yourself to be overwhelmed with emotion, finding yourself without any can easily convince you that you are broken.

Sometimes, your lack of emotion can also lead to not caring about anything around you. There is no desire to engage in your regular daily activities, let alone in things that you once enjoyed.

The feeling that nothing matters anymore or ever will again actually make sense when you allow yourself some grace and patience. 

When dealing with something so painful and living in a reality that will literally never be the same, it is hard in the throes of grief to imagine ever feeling joy, wholeness, or happiness again.

It feels necessary to protect yourself from ever having to experience grief again, so in the act of self-preservation, your subconscious decides that no one and nothing matters.

You are not broken or dead inside, and like all other symptoms of grief, apathy wears away as you begin to heal and reintroduce yourself to activities, friends, and daily life. Nevertheless, until all these feelings subside, it can feel like you’re going crazy. 

Your Grief Keeps You from Sleeping

Sleep disturbances are a common occurrence during the grieving process. As physically and emotionally exhausting as grief is, sleep is still hard to come by. However, lack of sleep can literally drive someone to feel insane. 

You may experience trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Lucid and vivid dreams, even nightmares that include our lost loved ones interfere with the quality of our sleep.

All these types of insomnia are completely normal reactions to what your mind and body are going through. Your dreams are your mind’s way of processing your loss and dealing with the complicated and dark emotions that you may be avoiding during the day. These dreams will end up being beneficial to your healing.

After a death, dreams of our loved ones are quite common.

We know how important dreams are to our overall health and well-being, but dreams also play

an important role in healing our grief.” From: psychologytoday.com

Sleep deprivation, coupled with the already mentally taxing effects of grief, is guaranteed to make you feel insane. Be patient. Rest when you can. As you move farther along in your healing, restful sleep will begin to return to you.

You Feel Like You Are Going to Lose Control

When people that are close to each other are grieving the loss of a shared family member or loved one, the grieving process becomes more complicated. Often, you may find that you need to “be strong” for or take care of those around you whose grief and pain may be felt more intensely than your own. 

Caring for others while trying to process your own sadness and loss simultaneously can feel overwhelming and suffocating, both leading to a loss of control. It is critical that you set aside the time for yourself to process your own personal grief. Repressed grief very quickly manifests in other ways that can make you feel like something is wrong with you.

Watching family members grieve differently than you can also make you question their sanity as well as your own. Wondering if you should be crying more or asking why someone isn’t crying at all can make the already confusing state completely maddening.

Try and remember that there is no right way for any one person to grieve and be sure to show yourself and your loved one’s compassion as you each navigate your new reality.

You Have No Idea What Time or Day It Is

The dense fog of emotional grief takes over your sense of reality. All of your energy is dedicated to basic survival. 

It should be no surprise then, that the concept of time becomes distorted and lost when you are mourning. Time may seem to stand still or speed up. Days can feel as though they are lost, with no memory or conscious awareness of them, causing you to lose track of weeks and months.

There is no question that the loss of time, and not knowing what day it is can easily drive you insane. Rest assured; time distortion is a very normal experience in bereavement. Your reality today is so different from the life you’ve had until now – even time feels different.

Grief Makes You Feel Angry All the Time 

Anger is one of the listed and identified stages of grief. The loss of someone you love feels unfair and unjust. Quite often, the lack of control we feel over the death of a loved one manifests in anger.

Depending on the circumstances, you may channel your anger at the doctors, the person driving the car, the person who died themselves, and even at the universe or God.

Anger is all-consuming and emotionally draining. It can cause you to lash out at everyone and everything around you. Minor daily inconveniences like spilling your coffee or stubbing your toe can send you into an all-out rage.

Being unable to control your anger and feeling like a constant ticking time bomb adds fuel to the “Going Crazy Syndrome” fire. With time, the anger will fade, and your outbursts will become less common. You are not an insane person; you are processing your anger.

You Have Become Obsessed With Your Loss

Obsessive thinking and ruminating can make anyone feel like they are losing their minds. After death, it can set in and cause people around you to question your sanity.

It is not uncommon for people who have lost a loved one, particularly in sudden and traumatic ways, hyper fixate on death. Like a broken record, the details of your loved one’s death may play over and over in your mind.

You may become solely focused on how it could have been avoided, what went wrong, and who is to blame. You may find yourself spending hours and days researching the manner in which you lost someone close to you.

It can become the only thing you will talk about. Over and over again, even to the same people. This obsessiveness may feel like the act of someone who has gone mad, but it is one way in which your mind is trying to reconcile your loss and help you to begin to accept it as your new reality.

Ignore the accusations from friends and family and give yourself the necessary time you need to work through this obsessive focus. It will not last forever.

You Believe Everyone Around You Will Die

One of the reactions to grief that can be paralyzing and very scary is the notion that everyone you love is in danger of dying. A constant state of fear and panic adds physical stress on you’re already weakened by grief body.

You may experience paranoia and irrational fears involving the people you love and their normal day-to-day lives. It may feel like you are quite literally falling apart at the seams. The behaviors that this fear can cause may have you wondering if you are insane.

Constant phone calls and check-ins with family, frantic temperature, and breathing checks on your children, even fears around normal activities like driving, swimming, or even leaving your house all ways this grief-driven fear can show up.

Because losing someone is so painful, it is completely normal and understandable to never want that to happen again. The fear of having to experience pain and loss, coupled with your inability to control death, lend way to overwhelming and irrational fears.

However, these fears will pass. They pass slowly as more and more time goes on. Being afraid to lose the people you love does not make you crazy.

There is No Linear Path Through Grief

Grief is one thing that is universally shared among all humans. Although it is something that we all have in common, there is no end to the multitude of experiences and symptoms that it causes when someone experiences it.

Throughout your lifetime, you will mourn the loss of more than one person in your life. What you will find is that even you, personally, will never process grief in an identical manner twice.

It is well accepted that there are five main stages of the grieving process. And while it is a helpful guide to understanding the path to healing, you must remember that they are not experienced linearly and that many people may revisit stages more than once over the course of their mourning.

The five stages of grief are:

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance

The ways in which you experience these stages are varied, intense, and personal. Feeling as though you are going insane is one of the most common explanations of what grief feels like. 

The Ride Can Get Very Bumpy

Many professionals talk about grieving as a roller coaster because the ride isn’t straight and smooth. There are ups and downs, highs, and lows. We experience fear and discomfort and unpredictable and intense feelings.

The Hospice Foundation of America advises that we may feel more vulnerable and overwhelmed at special times and celebrations: “…especially at special events such as a family wedding or the birth of a child, we may still experience a strong sense of grief.”

Grieving Is Part of Healing

Leaning into your feelings and behaviors are important ways to facilitate the healing process. Our minds and our bodies are a complicated system that is working together to help us adjust to new realities, broken expectations, and profound deep sorrow.

If you are grieving and wondering if you are being driven insane by grief, you most definitely are not. But you are being driven by grief, and there is no timeline or textbook way in which that happens. And while it may seem like it will never end, over time, it will. And as for wondering if you will ever be OK again?

You will be. Grief has its own schedule, and in time, healing happens.

Written by Kasia Ciszewski, LPC on

Kasia is a licensed professional counselor servicing the Charleston area. She helps individuals heal, better understand their emotions, energize & become more aware of their inner strength. She specializes in helping teens, adults and seniors and has been able to regularly achieve impressive results for her clients throughout South Carolina. Instagram - Facebook - Pinterest - Twitter - Linkedin

30 thoughts on “10 Ways Grief Can Drive You Insane”

  1. I lost my fiance a year ago we were only together for 7 years Im angry god should have gave me more time with. I loved he was wonderful to me. Men before beat on me. I thought be together forever. He was at work died of a massive heart attack didnt get to tell him goodbye. He showed me engagement ring in catalog he got me the wedding set . I got them 3 days after he passed we were going to get married in a couple after he retired we never made it. I suffer anxiety deppression PTSD with being in abusive relationships before I miss him I feel like Im dying inside. Any advise will help thank you

  2. I just lost my dad a month ago, on 6/22/22. He shouldn’t have died. He was 79 years old but he shouldn’t have died yet. It was medical malpractice. We were so very close. My parents are my best friends and I see or talk to them daily. They always visited me at work, they loved that I’m a teacher and we’re so proud. I’m a single mom and they helped me with my kids, my oldest was the closest to him. I woke up today, the day after his funeral, in the worst pain and suffering the worst grief. How are we supposed to go on with life without our loved ones? It’s like it’s not real. I can’t get comfortable. I want to crawl out of my skin. I want to get away. I can’t sit still or sleep or eat or think. I’m so angry too. It feels like this pain, confusion, and restlessness will never end.

  3. That’s exactly me. Lost the love of my life on December 28, 2022. After only 3 years and 8 months after we reconnected after 25 years apart. But I still loved her all of them 25 years we weren’t together and her the same with me. When I met her in 1993 it was as if someone flipped a switch on. I was in love with her from that moment on and couldn’t even explain why I loved her I just did with every fiber of my being. I only got 5 years total between our first meeting and getting back together with my true love. I give anything to be with her again. If I knew there was another side and I see her there I would have been gone but I don’t believe in the other side I believe we are just in like an eternal sleep when we die. It takes everything I got just to get out of bed. I’m doing well, eating sometimes once a day. Work well I had a job that I got shortly after she passed away. That she would have been happy with me getting but since she is here i don’t care enough even to work and probably lost it or getting ready to since I can’t bring myself to go to work cause now I have anxiety and depression since she passed that I never had before. I am at the end of my life since she’s gone. She was the reason I cared about doing anything and now she is gone. I could care less about anything.

  4. My Mom passed away in my arms on Dec 2, 2021 after a long battle with congestive heart failure. That night, my dad collapsed from a ruptured aneurysm, he died 7 days after with severe brain damage. It’s still so surreal for me, the grief is unbearable. I know it’s the natural order to lose your parents but we were so close, they were my best friends. I’m not sure if I will ever be able to accept their deaths.

  5. I feel all your pain. I lost my precious life’s companion. We met in high school and married in 1979. I lost him to a heart attack on 11/13/20. I am stuck. Can’t do anything I should be doing. Cleaning, getting groceries and going through the rest of his things. I just sit. Do nothing for myself.
    I do manage to meet friends to eat. But feel fake. I am waiting for some reality to return. I would just like to sleep all day, but we have two precious dogs.

  6. My son was born with special needs, born 1/31/2004 fought threw surgery after surgery was told he wouldn’t make it to a year old .. constant oxygen more time in hospital than at home .. we got 11years and a decline in his health sent him home on his 11th birthday. 1/31/2014 He touched so many lives.
    It’s been years …I still cry. I dream of him almost every night. The world went grey.
    Grieving father. Waiting to see the beauty again. God made him special and if love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

  7. It’s Tammy again. I just passed the one-year anniversary of finding my son dead. The anniversary of losing my husband it will be May 9. My heart hurts so very much, I don’t want to live anymore. I have been pleading with God to take me out of here. I can’t go on like this. It hurts too much!

  8. I am losing my mind. God is the only one who can help me now. I posted about everyone I lost except my daddy. I lost him three years ago. That’s when I had a short bout with drugs. All I have left are two daughters and four grandchildren. I work somehow and spend the rest of my time alone with my cat. I cry all the time, I don’t sleep well, I don’t eat right. I’m taking Xanax and antidepressants. I think they’re making it worse. Having blood work today to see if something is physically wrong with me. I’m not making it!

    • Tammy~ I understand your pain, having lost my son a year ago. BUT~ you have children and grandchildren to LIVE for!! They NEED you and LOVE you! Try to see the BLESSINGS you have left. Unfortunately, I am completely alone. I pray every night for a miracle grandchild or that my younger son will come back closer to home. Nothing in my life now nor in the future. I just wish I had one thing or person to live for.😞

  9. Unfortunately, I understand the horror and feelings of insanity. I lost my daddy three years ago, went through a short bout of drug dependency, went through detox and I am still taking the damn medicine to keep me off of drugs. Two years ago I lost both of my best friends. March 17, 2021 I lost my beloved 28 year old son to a fentanyl overdose, five weeks later I lost my beloved husband, three weeks ago I lost my only brother. My heart is so shattered! I moved from Ohio to Florida to be near family. We rarely see each other because the cost of living is so high all anyone can do is work . I emptied my 401(k) to move here and the movers stole my mothers wedding ring and lost all of my precious family photos and destroyed everything else they touched. I am working full-time but I don’t know how. Even at that, I will have to get rental assistance . My husband was a Vietnam veteran but the VA is not providing widows benefits. My husband had many metals and letters of commendation. He excelled in everything he did. I miss my family so much! I feel like I don’t want to live. I can’t afford to live thanks to the VA. I guess I just want the pain to stop. I know Jesus is my only answer. Somehow, one day He will make everything right. He chose to suffer more than all of us put together because He loves us that much! My brain is so foggy from grief but that much I know.

  10. I lost my husband a year ago and I am a mess. I don’t eat, don’t drink, don’t sleep, hygiene going to hell. Panic attacks, throwing up, shaking all the time, feeling mentally sick, physically sick. Feel alien to myself, can’t find me or feel me anymore. Can’t stop thinking of him for one moment, I just want my husband. Crying puts me on the floor crawling into walls. I scream in the car when I am at the cemetery. Can’t believe he is there. I am now bed bound feeling so physically sick that I feel death is near for me. I am in so much mental pain that I scream and beg God if you ever loved me please take me. I am so tired and so wore out from this grief that I feel that I could die at any moment. So much more to tell, but it’s a horror story. I can’t live without my husband, don’t want to. Never in a million years did I think this kind of pain was possible.

    • I lost my grandma (old age), my cousin (cancer), and my father (covid) in a three-month period. It’s been five months since the last death, and I still feel like the beginning. I lost my sense of self, feel unable to connect to others and like I only take up a very small part of my physical presence. The idea of losing my girlfriend has become an obsession for me, and I often feel like I will never see her again.
      I went through a period of panic attacks and then more recently full blown meltdowns with out of control screaming and hyper-ventilating.

      To anyone reading this and going through the same thing, I would like you to know you’re not alone in feeling this way

    • Lynn
      Know that you are heard. Know that no one understands your pain. Please try to begin seeing there is an end to this intense pain and you will make it. There is counseling and medication that can help and guide you.
      It’s ok to help yourself a little by eating and talking to others. Sometimes it’s ok to just be with others. Please promise you will try and do that.

    • I really really feel for you. If you can get hold of the book “It’s ok that your not ok” by Megan Devine, it might be a good starting point. I understand how very difficult it is but try to start with your physical health, looking after that bit by bit. Keep yourself hydrated, breathe, eat some healthy food, shower (when you are physically able to), get a little fresh air everyday. Keep posting on grief messageboards. It helps to talk to others going through the same thing. Don’t think ahead. Just focus on getting through the day, or take it down to an hour by hour if you need to. If you are able to adopt a rescue cat or dog, they can provide love, purpose, and comfort and you will be helping them so much too.

      I lost my mum, the very closest person to me in the whole world. I love her more than anyone or anything. I often don’t want to be here anymore but don’t feel ready to die either. I mostly stayed in bed crying for many months and felt the worst emotional pain. I still, six months on, feel very defeated and very different inside. One of my siblings also died not long before my mum. I also lost my fiance many years ago and it was absolute hell. It took a long time, but I was able to recover and feel happy again – for the first year or so I didn’t ever think that was possible. I found that just taking small steps can be the beginning of the road to recovery, and you have to be very gentle with yourself and kind. I’m very much back on that path again, right near the beginning again after losing my mum.

      I am so, so sorry you lost your precious husband. I have quite a belief in something more than this life, so my hope is that we will be reunited with our loved ones again when it is our time.

      Sending you lots of love.

    • So so sorry to hear of your mental and physical pain this has caused you. My dad died 3 yrs ago and he was my whole life. I knew that he would die before me but for 30 plus years, I used to wake up in the night thinking, is my dad still alive? When I knew he was, I could get back to sleep. When I wake up, I realize that he’s not alive and I feel doomed. I can’t get back to sleep and am a mess. My cats have helped me try to live on cause who would take care of them. I lost my best friend a year ago, plus another close friend when my dad died. My life is quite lonely and bleak, but I don’t know what else to do. One breathe at a time. One day at a time, but yes, the agony is always there. Hate it!

    • Lynn, I feel the excruciating pain you are going through. I lost my husband and soul mate
      7 months ago. I myself don’t know how I’m going to carry on in this world.
      He was diagnosed and gone in 3 months. I kept him at home with me.
      Hang in there, go for grief counseling if possible so you don’t hold it all inside and know there
      are others who are in the same battle as you.

      • Hi Lynn
        I’m so sorry to hear you lost the love of your life. I too lost my husband on the 9th of January 2021. He kissed me goodbye on that Saturday morning and went and played golf with his brother and mates, they then went and had breakfast. I came home in the late afternoon to find him. I tried to save him by doing CPR, by the time the ambulance had come he was already gone. Every day I say to myself if only I could have saved him. Every single day since has been a struggle, tears stream out of my eyes every single day and I struggle to control my emotions in public. I’m trying not to cry and trying to hold onto all the good memories but that terrible day keeps haunting me. A friend gave me a story to read called Grief from the Perspective of an Old Man by Tim Ofield. I read it every now and then and it gives me a little comfort. I hope you can gather some strength slowly start to put one foot in front of the other. Be kind to yourself and try to smile because you were lucky to have spent the time you did have with your husband. I’m thinking of you and no that you are not alone. Best wishes to you. Jenn

        • Hi, Laura, I hope you find some peace. I lost my dad 20 years ago I was a teacher at the time I was in my early 30s and I so loved my dad when he died our family lost our home because of costly medical bills. I would stay in my room shades pulled down and just stay in bed watching nonstop TV, not leaving the house. I was hiding and living in a cave. It took my dear mom who was suffering herself from losing my dad and who were married for 50 years, after 2 months my mom said “Janice, you know it is really painful to see you so sad. Please can you do this for me, if you think you are depressed now you will be even more depressed if you lose your teaching job if you lose your car, and can you just say a prayer tonight because your dad would not want you to be sad like this.” I can tell you that the next morning I got up and washed my hair and went back to living but every morning I would talk to my dad saying hi dad I love you, I miss you. It took a long time but my crying got less and the pain felt less painful. It is always the roughest when the wounds are fresh. Now 30 years later, yes I just lost my mom just 4 months ago. She lived with me and the last year I took off from my job and now I am 60 years old but I was in such pain I was devastated crying nonstop for several months but just when I thought I couldn’t feel any worst pain I very unexpectedly and suddenly lost my only brother. He was essentially killed by a negligent wreckless very young nurse practitioner that gave my brother a medicine he was allergic to and went into anaphylactic shock. I was the only one in the room with my brother and all of a sudden he said he can’t breathe imagine being in the ER room and my brother the patient and I, his sister, are trying to save his life by pulling the IV drip. My brother falls back and has a seizure. His eyes roll back in his head and my beautiful brother is gone because of this silly young girl and it gets worst. They gave him CPR after 20 minutes of being unconscious and they barely get a pulse they shove a tube down his throat put him on a ventilator machine and like a horror show, I sat with my brother, no sign of life with a mad man of a doctor on monitor announcing now he is going into pneumonia then hours later he says oh it looks like your brothers going into sepsis. I am hysterical I have been sitting beside my brother talking to him crying begging God to save him then this miserable doctor then I said his face is swelling 3 times the size of his face, his eyes are turning yellow, he was bleeding from his mouth, this cold callous ghoulish doc just says yeh all. His organs are starting to shut down. I can tell you there is nothing like the pain of watching your beautiful brother’s life being taken not by gang bangers but by doctors and our wonderful gov John bell Edward who has passed laws lately that further protect doctors. Now you have to prove gross negligence and intent one malpractice doctor. Then you have to bring your case in front of a panel of 3 doctors that determine whether you meet the criteria to file a malpractice suit. Docs medical errors are 3rd leading cause of death and in the past just having to prove negligence the doctors or hospitals prevailed in about 80 percent of the medical malpractice cases. I have never felt such sheer devastation barely able to face the mornings. I just buried my beautiful brother I have felt suicidal but I have my rescue dog I am crazy about praying and getting stronger because I can’t let this kill me and my brother I need to get strong and be a voice for my brother ever since they silenced him. I am going to fight to hold this wreckless NP accountable. They took a truly good man’s life weeks ago now. I had lost my mom and my only brother within just months. It’s unbearable pain. I am still suffering but what I wanted to say to you is now, especially there are many terrible things going on such as the brutality going on in Ukraine. Be a little gentler on yourself and find something maybe some charitable cause or take some actions for some things that you think can use some improvement in this world. Put your grief into making some positive changes to this world. I don’t know but may God help all of you who are suffering.

          • Janice
            I know what you’re going through as I just lost my wife of almost 30yrs just a week and half ago to what I believe is also medical malpractice.
            She was fighting lupus for sometime and was fighting hard but the lazy nurses didn’t want to help her out of bed and meet other needs . I heard them talking about how hard it was to take care of her when switching shifts .
            So her health declined and she was transferred to the icu where there was young doctors that basically experimented on treatments that did not work and progressively got worse to point of her death . They did cpr and brought her back 3 times and each time my heart felt like it was going to explode.
            It’s only been a week and a half now and I don’t know how I’m going to get through this . We have 3 beautiful children age 28/20/14 and I try so hard to be strong as my 14yr old still needs me in this world but it’s so hard .
            Everytime I look at a picture or something of hers I break down and ask why so early she was only 45yrs old and I’m 44 . I thought we still had so many years left together.
            If it wasn’t for my 14 year old son needing me I’m afraid to think what I would do . I just pray time helps me move forward and things get a little easier as I know my kids need me in this world.
            God help us all

    • I hope you’ve found some peace since writing this. Loss is tremendously hard and it takes a lot of time for it to become bearable. At some point tho you need to take care of yourself and remember there are other people on this planet that love and need you. Find some peace wherever you can. You deserve happiness and to live.

    • Lynn

      You are heard. I validate your pain. I’m sorry for the loss of your dear husband. I wish this was not your plight. Words seem empty and insufficient. Death is a thief. I too feel the trauma from the loss of my daughter. Your sharing made me feel not so alone for a moment.

    • I feel your sadness. I too, am experiencing the same thoughts. I sometimes feel I can’t do this anymore but know I have to unless God takes me too. I lost my husband almost 9months ago. There were so many things I needed to say and do to make sure he knew how much he meant to me. But he went down so fast at the end I was unable to tell and show him all the things I needed to. I also feel I was trying to be strong and take care of him that I didn’t really realize my own feelings. So know you are not alone in your feelings. I too know how devastating this is. I feel for you and hope you and I will have some kind of peace one day. One day one hour I guess is what we need to get through this. I wish you peace.

    • Hello Lynn, I too lost my husband of 52 years, just 4 months ago.
      I don’t want to live anymore and just want to be with him.
      I have a son who is disabled who my husband looked after but now that’s down to me.
      I am trying to find a suitable place for him to go but am finding it difficult to cope without my man.
      He cared for me through hip operations, a heart attack and Crohn’s disease and we loved each other so much.
      I try to stay strong for my son but pray every night for God to take me and when I wake each morning, I’m annoyed that I’ve survived another day.
      I can’t see a future that’s worth living without him and just keep thinking of things we should be doing together.
      I’ve never felt pain like this, either physical or mental and it seems to get worse as the days and weeks go on.
      I feel your pain, you’re not going through this alone.
      God bless you, Christine

    • My name is Lynn as well. My husband is terminally ill and I had to place him in a facility recently. He has ALS and a rare form of early onset dementia and hasn’t acted like a husband in a couple of years, so my grief is complicated. I can relate to everything you wrote. I know my road is going to get sadder. I sure hope that you’ve found yourself in a more peaceful state of being since you wrote this in October. You’re definitely not alone. Those of us who love hard, grieve hard as well.

    • I know how you feel because I lost my husband last May and we were married for 52 years. I miss him so much he was a wonderful husband. I always thought losing my parents was hard but nothing like this. I go to the cemetery and my husband and mom and dad are also there. I look at my husband’s grave and all I want is to be with him. I feel nothing now I think I’m already dead.


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